Top 10 awkward moments of being a "never-married-no-kids" woman

It happened without me noticing. I had inhaled society’s stories of marriage and babies that implicitly and explicitly pervade everyday life.

It didn’t matter that I grew up in Jamaica. In the Christian culture of the Caribbean, the linear life path of university, job, marriage, children, death is as alive and kicking as in Australia.

In my twenties, I didn’t doubt for a moment that that would be my trajectory; since what is familiar can, subtly and insidiously, also become what you think you want.

But instead, my life has taken a zigzag roller coaster ride that looks more like a 5 year olds’ attempt at artwork, than any recognisable liner anything: I’ve traveled the world, immigrated to Australia on my own, tried my hand at a number of jobs … I’ve only ever had two boyfriends, ages ago, and I have been single now for 7 years. I’m debt free thankfully but the only things I own outright are my car, my blender and the spattering of Ikea furniture in my rented apartment. At 35, I actually don’t know if I want to have children.

When your life doesn’t fit in the squares, you are entertained with precious moments where your reality and society’s expectation collide. Some moments make me grateful that I am foot-loose and fancy free. Some make me wish that I did have someone in my corner. Some make me aware of my own sexist ways of thinking, while others show how women are powerhouses just on their own. Here is a mix of my memorable moments on all sides of the dice.

10. Not needing life insurance, really!

I get marketing calls all the time… My number must be on some “Please call list”. When I get calls from telemarketers selling ‘in the event of death life insurance’, they go something like this.

“I’m sure you understand ma’am that it is important for you to take care of your family financially, if something were to happen.”

“No, I don’t have any family of my own.”

“Sorry, ma’am it says here you are 35… Don’t you want your children to be taken care of financially?”

“But, I don’t have any children.”

Silence.

“I’m sure you understand ma’am that it is important for you to take care of your care of your family...”

…Argh!!! I’m not in their script… Fortunately, the anomaly leaves makes them so uncomfortable, that they are keen to end the call shortly after that.

9. Having no “Emergency Contact”.

I know this might also have to do with the fact that all my immediate family is back in Jamaica. But every time, I am confronted with that line item on some form, I scan my brain to see which of my girl-friends might not mind being woken up in the middle of the night to come to get me from a hospital, if need be. A part of me does wish that I had a husband whom I could automatically pen down. But then, I realize that the gender-biased assumptions that this question brings up in my own mind: that an “emergency contact” must be a burly man who will come to my rescue. When in fact, despite the legions of men that have come and gone through my life, it’s my girlfriends who have stuck by me and any one of them would surely rush to my side, if called on.

8. Going on a cruise with three of my single girlfriends and finding that everyone else is with their family or in a couple.

Speaking of my girlfriends, we booked a holiday cruise with fantasies of meeting an equally numbered group of gorgeous single men. Within an hour of getting acquainted with the demographic on board, we came to the sullen realization that, gorgeous single heterosexual men don’t go on cruises together!

Oh well, we ended up having a blast!! Without the distraction of boys, we indulged fully in the beauty of each other’s company.

7. Having no ‘plus one’ to invite to your Christmas Office party.

6. Having a different ‘plus one’ from last year. Your colleagues can’t remember if it was the same guy you brought before and ask you that in front of him!

5. Being invited to a friend’s kids party and you don’t have a child.

You think it’s great that your married friends want to include you in their life. You’re too polite to decline the invitation and spend a precious Saturday bored to tears, at a princess birthday party, with everyone asking you “So, which one is yours?”

4. Going for a holiday and when you return everyone expectantly asks “So… did you meet anyone....?”

3. When you think you need a handyman.

Earlier this year I moved house and put a call out on Facebook to see if I had any male friends who would help. In response, only one girl-friend offered and you know what… Together we lifted, loaded and unscrewed and assembled furniture like we were on an episode of “The Block”. It’s those times that I recognize the gender bias in my own thinking: that my first thought is that I need a man’s help, but then a woman steps in, gets the job done and we have heaps of fun along the way.

2. When at the Monday staff meeting, your colleagues share how they spent their weekend: running after kids, staying up all night because of kids, and chaperoning kids to kids things. When it’s your turn, you talk about that party you went to on Friday, sleeping in on Saturday and that awesome yoga workshop you went to on Sunday.

1. When you don’t have a straight answer for “So why are you still single?” I get asked this question so often it’s nauseating! I’ve stopped being polite and have started giving confronting answers like, “Because Australian men are too intimated by my beauty and brains.” If I’m lucky, it shakes my interlocutor out of their stupor and an engaging conversation about dating and diversity in Australia ensues.

Despite the awkward moments, I do love my “single-never-married-no-kids" life. I enjoy the freedom to make decisions purely on the basis of my own desires. It’s a status that I relish, because with my unpredictable zigzag path, I don’t know how long it will last.

#singlewoman #beingsingle #dating