Book Review: The one thing wrong with the great "Get the Guy"
- Lisa-Ann Camille
- Dec 19, 2017
- 4 min read
Matthew Hussey gets everything right, but sex in his bestselling dating guidebook, "Get the Guy".
Every woman wants a cheat sheet on how to snag a great guy and I'm no different.
So when a friend of mine recommended Matthew Hussey's book "Get the Guy: Use the secrets of the male mind to find, attract and keep your man", I downloaded the audio version faster than you could swipe right.
I was not disappointed. The book is hands down worth its weight. In fact, I think I scored big time by getting the audio version, because the sound of Matthew's English accent made the whole experience just that much sweeter.
I could listen to Hussey give me dating advice All Day!!
"Get the Guy" is full of practical specific tactics women can use to lure a man in and keep him in the palm of your hand. Embedded in the chapter are links to scenes from Hussey's "Get the Guy" live seminars - which of course connects to him selling his online courses and live retreats. But who cares that you're been sold to! Hussey's bloody hot too, so you waste no time in moving from the book to the website to watch the videos. The whole experience makes you feel like you're along with Matthew for a ride into the male psyche and you just don't want it to end.
The title of the book is a clever double entendre which hints at what's inside, "get the guy" works on the levels of understanding how men think and using that knowledge to snag him. Every piece of Hussey's dating advice is linked back to male psychology, so it's grounded and real. For example, one of my favourite tips was around the nugget "Men don't value what they don't earn", where Hussey cautioned women to not invest into a man who has not demonstrated making an investment in them. I know I'm guilty of this one, basing the advance of my attention and myself to a man because I like him not because the actual effort he has put into courting me.
But I'm getting ahead of myself... Before Hussey gets into all that good stuff, he starts off with the pivotal advice of becoming a "high value woman" on her 'ownsome' (yup, totally just made that word up). He gives the analogy of your life being a train that's on an exciting and scenic journey. A man can decide to jump on and come along for the ride, if he wants to. Either way the train is still going.
Throughout the book Hussey not only gives general advice on how to handle dating situations, he peppers it with examples of exactly what to say and how to say it. He actually tells you what to text back when a guy asks if you're free on the weekend, what to say when he invites you back to his place on the second date and even what to write in your online dating profile.
Yes, ladies you have found the cheat sheet indeed.
But there is one area where I think Matthew Hussey leads women astray, one aspect where he seems to give men more leeway than they deserve. And that's in the area of sex. His advice on when to have sex and how sex works in dating doesn't sit well with me. He downplays the importance of when to have sex with a man you're dating, giving the impression that the timing is irrelevant as long as you have done the other things he suggests. He even goes as far as to say that women who are dumped after the sex act, often incorrectly blame the sex without considering that they might be boring or have some other flaw.
My disagreement with this logic comes from my personal experience of having decided to abstain from sex because I observed that it was becoming problematic in my dating life. Men are predatory, even Hussey admits that. In my experience men would pursue me avidly but once we had sex they would lose interest. Now, according to Matthew's theory what happened was that I suddenly proved to be "boring"... Overnight? Really Matthew?
This is where Hussey disappoints. He switches gears from arming women to almost defending male behaviour, almost placing blame on the woman if a man is no longer interested after sex. I think is a little one-sided and heavy -handed. Especially after Hussey had admitted that men think of sex all the time and that as soon as they meet an attractive girl, the desire to have sex with her becomes the main driver for his actions. The question of when to have sex in the courtship phase is far more complex than Hussey makes it out to be.
Although this gap in "Get the Guy" by Matthew Hussey is irking, certainly don't let it put you off getting the book. Just like any other advice, take what resonates with you and you leave what doesn't. The rest of the book is filled with insights about the male perspective, how men's brains works in dating scenarios and how to use that information wisely. Regardless of whether or not you agree with all or bits of Matthew Hussey's dating advice, most likely after the reading the book you will find yourself far better equipped to "get the guy".
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