Leaning into the Life You Didn't have in Mind

If you were to go by my list of qualifications and certifications, you would think I have ADD: A Bachelors in Journalism, Reiki Level 1, Reconnective Healing, Life Coaching, Angel Intuitive, a Masters in Film and TV, teaching English as a Second Language, Cert IV in Finance and Mortgage Brokering and for my next feat, I’ve just signed up for a course in Hospitality.

As for actual jobs, I’ve had…Ladies and Gentlemen …Hold on to your seats:

TV Presenter, Event Coordinator, Film and TV Producer, Entrepreneur, Life Coach, Energy Healer, Recruitment Consultant, Dancer, Finance Manager, Business Coach, Investment Property Salesperson, Spokesperson, Account Manager, Hostess, Waitress, Brand Ambassador … and I’m only 35.

“She must have commitment issues,” you might think, as must those who scan my CV when I submit a job application.

Perhaps.

But, I’ll have you know that I approached every one of those jobs as if it were the Holy Grail. Like, I had finally found my Mecca. Because I was searching for The One – that job, that career that would take me up this linear path of success and financial stability that everyone else seemed to be on, except me.

I would still be in mid-breath, serenading my new job or training with a rendition of Etta James’ “At Last”, when something would happen to break me out of my revere. I would get a better offer, fail, get bored, get fired, get fed up and/ or chose to leave for the imagined possibilities of the great unknown. (Ok, so maybe I do have commitment issues.)

With the spell broken, what would follow would be an episode of confusion and often despair. “Why that didn’t work out?” I would ask myself, the Heavens … Was the seemingly direct path that I was so sure I had found, a mirage?

In hindsight, I now realise that my pain was the result of an error of perspective. I had thought that my life was like one of those mountain goats steadily ascending Mount Kilimanjaro. That it was following a trail that would gradually rise and summit at some magnificent pinnacle. I had vision boards of what it would be like basking in the sunlight and the splendid views from the top.

But alas, it’s turns out that my goat has vertigo and is making something like a loop-de-loop that doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere or is going to some peak off the map via a very long scenic adrenalin filled route. My goat is off with the fairies, chasing butterflies and shiny things it sees in the distance.

Rather than enjoy the journey, I seemed hell-bent on always looking behind me in painful regret about the possibilities that I had left behind.

My most recent slip down the mountain has changed my perspective on it all.

My last job burdened me physically and spiritually. But it was a better hell than the job before that. So I was latching on to it for dear life with the fear of being unemployed (again!). But it happened four months in and I found myself in a familiar place: confused about the direction of my life.

I immediately started applying for similar corporate roles, but nothing eventuated. I felt like a failure. I was embarrassed. I was stressed about money.

I found myself in a valley for weeks.

The hand that eventually pulled me up was a trip to Bali. (Why not? I certainly had the time).

Indeed the blue waters, magnificent sunsets, rice fields, beautiful healthy food and the very energy of Bali helped me heal. But there was one moment that initiated a complete shift of my perspective.

At a workshop in Ubud, I was introduced to the concept of the “Multipotentialite”. Once I heard the word, I immediately knew that I liked it. It felt like it fit. It lead me to a TEDx talk by the woman who had coined the term, Emelie Wapnick, called “Why Some of Us don’t have one True calling!” and to her website “Puttylike” a resource for people like me, whom she describes as: Individuals who have diverse interests across numerous domains and pursue them sequentially or simultaneously. They pick up things fast and tend to be a wealth of information.

“I want multipotentialites to stop beating themselves up about being unable to find their ‘one true calling’ or fit into a box. I want them to see that their diverse background and insatiable curiosity, isn’t some huge failing, but that there is very good reason for it,” Emelie says on her site.

Aha!! Finally, here was a doctor telling me that I was, in fact well.

Even more magnificently, there was a herd of vertigo mountain goats to which I belonged.

Reading, “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert, also helped me shift my perspective. The “Eat, Pray, Love” author challenged me to not take life so seriously and to find peace in the understanding that it was perfectly ok that some pursuits lead nowhere. She urged me to give myself permission to follow my curiosity down rabbit holes and relayed how her doing the same lead, via a very windy path, to her second published book.

With my perspective loosened, I started to relax and let go of the judgment about my zigzag journey that was certainly hurting only me.

I slowly released the idea of a linear life (it obviously had already released me). As I did, I started to be able to make out the glittery new objects that were shining in the distance.

So I’ve begun chasing a few butterflies: Writing, Cooking … and I’m waitressing to pay my bills while I explore, because that’s ok too.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao Tzu

With no longer comparing my life to this image that I had in mind, I am leaning into sitting comfortably with my long list of jobs and qualifications. I accept that the list will grow.

In fact, here is another notch in the rope: I’ve just signed up for a course to become a SuperYacht Stewardess. Simply because someone mentioned it to me and I felt such excitement about the idea that I had to chase it.

A psychic once told me that the soul draws onto itself, the experiences it needs for its growth.

Here’s to trusting that whatever is happening is exactly what you need, even if it’s not what you had in mind. Here’s to loving your vertigo mountain goat.

#newimmigrant #movingtoAustralia