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To Go or Not To Go Back to Online Dating

Lisa-Ann Camille
Sep 25, 2017
4 min read

It's been one year since I've been on a date...One.Whole.Year!!

On October 10th 2016, I had made the decision to celibate and behind my back, dating also quietly slid off the table. This was not intentional. I totally meant to be dating and celibate. But my relationship with God and other interests dominated this year and dating fell to the very bottom of my list of priorities. I didn't mind at the time, because I needed the head-space and the energy to focus on the things at the top of the list.

The other major contributing factor was that Tinder had been my main source of dates. But after getting into the hang of hanging with Jesus, it just didn't feel right to go back on there. I know we all know someone who has gotten married to someone they met on Tinder, that's the exception not the rule. I don't think the app will ever shake its reputation for being a hook-up tool and for anything that smelt of casual sex, made me a bit nauseous.

I did have the hope that perhaps during this year, I would have met someone organically. You know, like in the olden days when a man would see a woman from across the room, and approach with "Hi, my name is..." or a well-thought out pick-up line....

Yeah... Let me just take a moment to marinate in this of fantasy of Ryan Gosling making me a move on me....Sigh...

Ok, back to reality?

Apparently, that doesn't happen anymore. My guess is that it's because the average available guy in is either: A) At the pub busy hanging out with other guys (I'll spare you my rant on how Australian male 'mateship' kills 'courtship')

OR

B) Has his head down swiping away on his phone anyways. He wouldn't notice attractive woman in real life, if she ran him over.

Online dating seems to have become the new norm in societies where men seem have lost the ability to approach a real live woman.

But I really have a craving for being taken on a date. In my last post about being celibate, "Cutting my One Year Celibacy Short", I spoke about it being a beautiful path of cleansing and spiritual development. But it can also be a bit of a dry experience where you don't feel the tingling you once did. I miss the palpitations of chemistry and attraction of meeting someone new. I want to feel the nervous excitement of going on a date: the optimism and uncertainty of not knowing if we're going to click or not. I want to be picked and taken to a nice restaurant. I want to learn someone's life history over dinner and a bottle of Merlot. I want to explore where we agree and where we disagree. I want someone to make me laugh so hard, the waitress overs looks over in the false hope of getting me to pipe down. I want fingers to tentatively touch in the curious search for chemistry. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach. I want to feel ....something!

So, how do I go about about getting a date since I previously ranted against online dating? In my post, "Am I Done with DIY Dating", I had said that online dating was like telling God that you're ready to meet your husband, instead of waiting for Him to make it happen when you really are ready. Can I back-pedal on that?

I am going to "wheel-and-come-again" on that statement just a smidge. Here my little loop hole: I am not actually looking for my husband.

I've been single so long now (8 1/2 years) that I have become quite comfortably etched in the enjoyment of my freedom. I don't have to share my bed, ask anyone's opinion on something I want to do or check anyone else's schedule to make a plan. I really am contented. So I am not looking for a husband. I really just want to go on a date. Since dating apps are now the norm now, they do sadly look like my only option.

So what's the best app to use to get back into the swing of things?: Tinder, Match.com, RSVP, EHarmony, Happ'n, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Zoosk, OkCupid....? There are thousands of dating apps out there. Tinder is still a definite no-go. Match.com came next to mind.

But I was on and off it in within 48 hours. Once I created my profile, I was slammed with 'likes', which was encouraging. However, you have to pay to see the profiles of the men that 'like' you. Subscriptions start at $28.33 per month for 6 months and the total is debited all at one time. I'm sorry but $170 is a too highly-priced risk to see what is likely to be a group of largely low calibre men. Last year, I had paid for a subscription one of these sites and regretted it...Deeply! A lot of the same men are also on the free sites, so you're not missing quality catches by not paying.

I asked a friend's advice and she recommended Bumble.So I'm currently giving that a go. This is the one where the woman has to send the first message if there is a match. Once I get a match a send a cordial "hi" to open up the conversation, since the match expires within twenty four hours if the woman does not initiate a conversation. So far it's been pretty sad, much men don't respond and the ones that do are pretty blah...

This was probably on the of the most entertaining exchanges for all the wrong reasons.

When I asked this match about a profile photo of him sitting in the cockpit of a plane, this was his response...