How to say 'No' in Faith, when Logic says 'Yes'

When life sends you a big decision to make, what is your process?

Do you go by what you see - what you deduce to be the next logical step or do you tune into your spirit ask what's in your best interest? Is one decision-making process better than the other? How do you tell the difference between what your mind and your spirit says anyways?

This week I had to make a big decision and I stuggled. Logic told me to go this way and my spirit pointed in the opposite direction. I felt stuck and confused.

The decision was around what to do for work. I love working on my blog and my book, "Dating God" which is coming out later this year. But these loves are yet to pay my rent.

I've had so many horrendous experiences in the private sector, that I am sticking to my promise to myself to never ever getting another full-time private sector job. (Read my post "How to handle Getting Fired, from a gal that's been a few times" to hear some of my horror stories. That left joining the military, temping or doing casual work to my next options.

Of those three, casual work was the most immediately accessible because I already had a link in hospitality. Plus, I needed money now and the other two options would take time. I have been working casually on superyachts on Sydney Harbour as a stewardess for the past two years. The money is good and the work is easy. There is just one massive problem: as I have grown in my relationship with Jesus this last year, I've felt more and more out of sync with that environment. The boat charters are often feasts of nudity, prostitution, drugs and alcohol. People rent these boats for a few hours to feel like they live on their own island and they just go crazy. I've lost count of how many times I've had to clean up vomit and been offered cocaine. In the beginning, I had just accepted it. I turned a blind eye and took the cash tips gratefully. But in making my walk with God a priority this past year, something inside me has changed. I no longer have the ability tolerate those soul crushing spaces.

But when you need money and something that makes sense logically is in easy reach, it's so hard to say 'no'. Have you ever been there?

It would be easy to pick up the phone and call the company I usually work with - I would have a shift by the weekend and a well-needed cash injection into my account by Tuesday.

My mind was telling me "Yes" but my body was telling me "No". I know that Spirit communicates with me through my body. I physically and tangibly could feel that it was the wrong decision. A subtle sadness would come upon me whenever I thought about working in that world again. I had a gut feeling but I didn't have another viable option. If I didn't go back to working on the boats, I had no idea how I was going to earn money. It felt like I was choosing between jumping off a cliff into thin air versus walking on a well-trod solid path.

If I took a leap of faith would God be there to catch me?

Or .....

would I crash?

I was so scared that I choose not to jump. I turned my back on what I felt God was telling me to do and I choose the solution that I felt gave me more control: I emailed the charter company and told them I was ready to go back to work.

Disappointed in me? I was. But it felt so good to be taking action to fix my situation. I knew that I was taking the low road and God would allow me to do that. But oddly the company did not respond and I got the time to ponder my choosing this path a little more.

I thought about all the times when I have leapt and God did catch me: in moving to Australia from Jamaica in the first place, in finding the apartment I live in now, in the jobs that came my way just at the right time... As I waited to hear back from them, God was whispered reminders to me. I also got the knowing that if I was persistent in choosing my way then I would have an ok life, not the life of abundance that He has in store for me. I started to think about the fact that I would've even be available for opportunities more in line with my heart's desires, if my schedule was filled up with these shady shifts.

But I still didn't listen. One week later, they did email me back.

Apologising for not getting back to me sooner due to some computer issue, they asked if I could do a shift on Saturday. It had now been almost two months so I had worked and the feelings of desperation and the excitement at the prospect of making some money overcame me. I said a quick prayer telling God that I had changed my mind and I now felt like doing this. I emailed them back consenting to work on Sunday.

It was done and dusted.

I thought I had gotten away with choosing the cowardly route.

But God would not have it. That night I went to my connect group meeting - it's a social gathering of women my age through my church, Hillsong Bondi. We get together every fortnight to pray together, fellowship, eat and support each other through whatever we're going through. I absolutely love it.

Somehow the discussion that night turned to the topic of "doing what you feel like vs what God is telling you to do". I barely remember exactly what was said, but I knew God was talking to me about this situation. He was reminding me once more that what he had in mind for more me was way better than what I could organise for myself. He understood that his road was invisible and on the other side of a massive cliff but that he would be holding my hand the whole way. I was not jumping alone.

God was giving me another chance. I knew I had to back-pedal on the commitment to work on Sunday. After the connect meeting I chatted with another girl that I trusted. Together we worked out drafting an email for me to politely and sincerely recant my earlier acceptance of the shift.

I prayed about it sincerely, I told God, "If I say no to this, you have to show up for me big time and provide for me quickly."

After much hesitation I pressed send.

The next day was a whirlwind, I confirmed arrangements with a lovely girl who wanted to rent my spare room. As part of the agreement she would pay almost $1,000 up front. I got a call from a creative temp agency that I sent my cv to weeks ago, but had assumed that I was not a fit for them since I hadn't heard back. They wanted to interview me. And most bizarrely at that night, I got a call from video producer who was covering the Australia Comic Con event in Sydney. He wanted me to do on-camera interviews at the event on Sunday!!! I would have had to turn that amazing opportunity down if I had gone through with my logical plan.

The moral of my little debacle: God does talk to you through gut feelings, that inner wisdom, that knowing that you know but you don't know how you know. It's ok to trust what you can't see but what you know is there.

Even if you have the self-awareness that you're making the wrong choice, keep up your conversations with Jesus. Include him in your confusion. He will pursue you. He will find a way to get your attention and make his path known to you. He can turn things around in a second.

I still don't know what's going to happen to me and exactly how I will make it by financially while I get my business going. But I know now how to say "no" in faith, when "logic' says "yes". I know it's called flying.

#livinginfaith #howtolivebyfaith #howtotalktoGod #howtoliveintuitively