How to stay Celibate while Dating

It's your first date but already he has reached in for a kiss.

Soon, the invitation comes to 'go back to his place'.

Normally, you would be open to saying 'yes' but now that you are celibate or practicing abstinence from sex, you're not sure how to handle this....On one hand, you want to keep him interested but on the other, you want to keep your word to yourself.

How do you stay celibate or abstinent while dating?

Practicing celibacy or abstinence from sex can be challenging. It is a step away from the norm that often people on the outside do not understand and may even ridicule.

But it is a path that is worth the sacrifice.

I know from personal experience.

I have been practicing abstinence for a year and it has changed me for the better in a myriad of ways. So, if you are celibate, congratulations, and if you are considering celibacy, you've come to the right place to get your questions and concerns addressed.

I have been simultaneously dating and celibate for one year. I am a single professional living in Sydney, Australia and am actively dating because I do want to eventually get married.

My decision to be celibate came after seven years of being single: seven years of heart-break, ghosting, casual sex and one-night stands. None of which were leading me closer to my mate but were taking me further from my best self and God.

I wanted something different and made a drastic change to take sex off the table of my dating life. Although the path has been challenging, I have never regretted it. In fact, my life, my sense of sense of self worth, my assertiveness, boundaries and relationship with God have all massively improved becuase I made this choice.

If you want to stay celibate while dating here are the things you will need or need to do:

Have Commitment and Clarity.

This is not a decision you can make with vague ideas.

Without being anchored to a clear why and a strong reason, you will fall off the band wagon very easily. If you do, it is ok to get back on. But do so with a new anchor into your why.

Reflect and journal about why you want to be celibate or abstain? What does it mean to you? Is it purely a decision around self-discipline or is there a spiritual side? If there is a spiritual aspect, pray about it. What are you hoping to experience through or at the end of your period of celibacy? How are you hoping to be different?

Personally, I was motivated by the pain I had experienced in my dating life... Guys disappearing after sleeping with me or guys that I had slept with but didn't really like being too attached to me. I wanted something different so badly. I was very clear on my why. That helped me stick to the decision, despite being tempted.

Tell Suitors Early On.

When I first become celibate, I though that I would not have to tell a man until further into a relationship. That turned out not to be the case.

Sex and the expectation of sex happens very quickly these days. It is not considered unusual for people to meet at a bar and be screwing in the bathroom within the hour. Men have the expectation that it could happen on the first or second date or at the end of the night after first meeting you. You know this because this is perhaps once your norm.

I once had a first date with a man where we had to stop by my apartment for me to pick up a sweater, because we were heading to the beach at night and I would be cold. Once at my place, he put on his seductive face and tried to lead me into my bedroom. I had to stop him short and fast!

Be prepared to play defensive in your dating life from now. Don't be naive about men's intentions. Operate with the assumption that men assume that you are open to having sex right away.

To do this you need to tell men as quickly as possible.

I have a friend whose first words to a guy that approaches her at a bar are, "I'm a born-again Christian and I don't have sex before marriage."

Don't afraid to be fierce with your truth.

It is your very self that you are protecting.

Be Courageous and Assertive

Practicing abstinence and celibacy are powerful paths of personal development. It challenges you to speak your truth and assert your boundaries over and over again. That's one of the reasons why in the end, you are a stronger, more confident version of yourself. Telling people takes guts. Your palms might sweat. You will feel nervous. It is a wall you will have to break through. You will feel like backing out of telling someone because it will be an awkward conversation that you have to bring up suddenly. You will want to avoid it. Don't!

Don't think that you can get away with being coy and not saying anything either.

If you do not tell the person you are dating, they will continue to test your sexual boundaries, leading you into repeated temptation. This will just make the experience increasingly hard for you and you will be more likely to give in.

Don't be afraid of people turning away becuase you are celibate.

This is one of the benefits of the path, especially for single women. It is an excellent filter. Many men are more interested in sex than a relationship. You will quickly find out their intentions towards you once you tell them you are abstinent or celibate. I have had a mix of experiences this year. Some men have tapped out right away and some have stayed around a while.

Telling them that sex is not included will show you if he is in this for you as a soul, a person with so much to share beyond her body.

Have clear boundaries and decide what you will and will not do on a date. Decide these before hand. This is an area that I personally need to work on.

It wasn't until the end of my first year of celibacy that more action started occurring in my dating life and I was unprepared for when it came.

I knew that I wouldn't have sex but I hadn't decided what levels of kissing and touching were ok.

After having more dating experiences, I have decided that kissing is ok for me. I use it as a means of assessing if there is chemistry. But it is best to do so only after you have already told the man that you're celibate.

For me I know that I will not allow things to progress beyond kissing. However it might not be for you. Especially if you have just started dating and being celibate.

For some it's a total no-no. You know yourself. Don't test yourself. However under no circumstances is oral sex ok. It is a sex act in itself and outside of an abstinent lifestyle. If you do have oral sex or leave yourself open to it, I can guarantee that it will lead to penetrative sex.

Do not watch pornography.

Where your mind is your body will follow.

Porn puts you in a state of arousal and you will find yourself battling the urge to fulfill those desires. Abstinence and celibacy calls for a restraint of mind and body. Lead with the mind.

Develop a celibate circle and use resources.

Connect with other people who are on the same path.

Church is a great way to find other celibate women. Read books like

Subscribe to this blog to get more tips, article and support. If you would like in depth one-on-one support, book a coaching session or program with me.

Head to the Private Coaching page for more information.

You have made the right choice to choose celibacy or abstinence. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Nothing worht gaining is ever without sacrfice.

#howtostaycelibatewhiledating #Howtobecelibate #Howtobeabstinent #Howtoabstainfromsex #Howtonothavesex #Howtopracticecelibacy #Whatiscelibacy #Whatdoesitmeantobecelibate